20 Things I wish I knew when I was 20

The phone kept ringing the whole day. From the moment I woke up in the morning, until the time I hit the bed past midnight, I had been on the phone. Never had I been so busy. Why? Well, it was my birthday, and clearly, I had a whole lot of friends who wanted to call up and wish me personally. All those hours of talking had made my neck stiff. The next morning I could hardly get up from the pain, but I did not regret it one bit. Friends had been one major investment that I had made early on in life, and I continue to reap the interest, even today.

Having turned 47, I looked back at my journey. Did I have regrets? Of course, there were many.  Did I make the right decisions? Mostly yes, but some were hasty. I wish I could turn back time and undo the wrongs. Those of you out there, young and in your twenties, here are 20 things that I wish I had known or done when I was 20 myself.

1. It is never too early to start saving 

   Sometimes I can’t help but think that, had I just started saving a rupee every day, since the day I turned 20, I would have had almost Rs 10,000 in my piggy bank. Not a big amount, but still significant, and the best part is, I would have done it with the least amount of effort. Had I saved Rs 10 everyday, I would have had almost a lakh in my piggy bank.A lakh is not a small amount. I wasn’t working then. I was still studying. But Rs 20 out of my pocket money would not have been too difficult. If I had put aside Rs 20 daily, today I could have had almost Rs 2 lakhs to invest in something safe, may be for my health needs. I wouldn’t really have felt the pinch because I had started earning by the time I was 23.

   Of course, I do have my health insurance and the works, but money is something that gives you a sense of security and a lot of confidence too, especially when you are ageing.

2. Investing in friends and family gives huge returns: I am amazed that my mother, who is in her early 70s, remembers the names of most of her batch mates from college. She can identify them in the class photograph, but does not know where they are. Well, we are better off, with social media to help us keep in touch. Yet, there are many who avoid maintaining social contacts. Not because they are unsocial, but because they are busy with their professional commitments or preoccupied with their domestic issues. Believe me, staying in touch with friends and family can never be a waste of time. If not every day, a call or message at least once a month is good enough. Chatting with friends actually slows down ageing, because it is a stress buster and a means of relaxing the mind and heart. After all, with friends you can share anything, be it happiness or problems. The same goes with parents, siblings and cousins. Family should always be given time, come what may. Nothing can be more important.

3. Good habits developed early in life serve you well: The whole world is into Yoga these days. I have been trying to get into the habit of setting aside an hour to do Yoga myself. I started only after my spondylosis got out of hand. Hours of sitting in front of the desktop, and later in front of a laptop, for more than two decades, have taken a toll, and quite a serious one too. Once in a while, especially in the winter season, I do end up in excruciating pain, unable to lift my arm or move my neck. Things have surely gotten better with Yoga, but had I made it a habit to spend at least half an hour on myself every day, starting at the age of 20, I would not have had to suffer today. My body would have been more flexible and my muscles would have been stronger. My spouse and I have been drinking green tea every morning for the past two decades. It is a great habit say experts. I remember my father coaxing me to have warm water with lemon every morning, and I refusing to listen to him. He used to tell me to drink at least a litre of water every day. The habit has served him well. He has smoother skin than I do. Had I developed the habit then, I would have had younger looking skin today. All you youngsters, start investing in your health. Eat right now. Set aside at least 30 minutes every day to exercise, jog, or do brisk walking.

4. Gut feel can be relied on most of the time: Many people find themselves pursuing careers that their parents or friends asked them to pursue. As a result, they find themselves stuck doing something while their heart is elsewhere. I remember how I had been conditioned to think that studying Science was the best option; that I was cut out to be a doctor. Just when I was filling up the form it struck me that I did not really want to study Science. I applied for humanities, pleasantly surprising myself and shocking my friends and family members. But I have never ever regretted the decision in my life. Imagine, how miserable I would have been had I made my selections as per other people’s advice. I would have probably been cutting open hearts, literally, instead of pouring my heart out as an author.

5. A life partner has to be chosen with care: Remember, your life partner is someone you will be spending your whole life with. Therefore, she or he has to be just right for you. Do not agree to tie the knot with a person somebody else has chosen for you. Go with your gut feel. It will rarely disappoint you. Also, do not be in a hurry to settle down. Give a relationship some time before making a commitment.

6. Learning is a lifelong process: Your age and time is always perfect to learn. You can never be too old to join a course. You wanted to always learn a foreign language? Join a course right away. You can’t attend classes physically? Join an online course or just download the app and learn the language at leisure. Want to learn to swim or dance? No need to seek permission from anybody. Just go for it. Learning new things keeps you mentally young and physically fit.

7. Stress leads to premature ageing: Many women feel guilty of passing on their burden or work to others. In trying to multi-task and prove they are super women, they end up stressing themselves out. A busy professional woman will find it difficult to bake a cake and put together her daughter’s favourite lunch on her birthday. She should not feel guilty if she orders the cake or gets her friends to organise the party instead. Nobody is going to judge her for that. But yes, if she ends up exhausted when the guests arrive for the party, she will not be able to enjoy as much as she wants to, she will be noticeably irritated and she will have only herself to blame. 

8. Positivity comes from positive people: Stay away from negative thoughts and negative people. Seek company that will fill you with positivity and happiness. Spend time with people who give you great ideas, stimulate your thought processes and have enlightening conversations with you. Avoid those who gossip about others and waste your time. 

9. Books make great friends: Books open your mind and your thinking. They offer you deep insights and knowledge that broaden your outlook. The more books you read, the more knowledgeable you will be and the more confidence you will gain. Reading helps you have meaningful conversations and interactions with other people. No matter what the weather or what your mood, a book is the best distraction and reading is the ultimate pastime.
10. Kaizen is an amazing philosophy:   Follow the Japanese business philosophy of  continuous improvement. I strongly believe that not just business people, but each one of us should follow Kaizen in our personal life. Just make some improvement to your daily routine, habits or to your lifestyle every day. Make a change in your house or in your life — a change for the better — , however, small, every day. For instance, you could plant a shade-giving tree in your backyard or in the neighbourhood, or call the plumber and arrange for the water from your bathroom and washing machine to be diverted to the lawn so that the plants get watered; or fill up the organ donation form; or simply start going for a walk in the evening.  One small change can make a world of difference, to not just your life, but even to someone else’s. Imagine! If I had started following this philosophy at the age of 20, I would have changed so many things for the better in the past 27 years!
11. Thinking of the past can do little good: Move on. Don’t think of the past. What someone did to you in the past should not affect your present or your future. What has happened has happened. Just move on. If you failed to clear an exam, prepare for it again and give it another try the following year. If not, look at some other opportunity. If Plan A does not work, go on to Plan B, and if required, Plan C. Those who still lament over a breakup after years are actually fools. How can people consciously allow others to affect them so deeply, and that too, those who are no longer with them or do not wish to be associated with them?  Erase unwanted or painful memories and discard them like dirty/torn clothes. Look forward.
12. Being alone can be beneficial at times: If you are alone, instead of lamenting the situation, enjoy the time you get to connect with your own self.  Go for a stroll, or a long walk alone. Just sit by the window and observe the sights outside. You could simply sit back with a mug of coffee and a book. Some ‘me’ time is good for mental health. It gives you an opportunity to introspect, focus on the self and relax.
13. Investing in experiences is always profitable: Instead of buying an expensive piece of jewellery, spend that money on going scuba diving. Instead of buying a big flat, invest that money on small, but frequent vacations or trips with friends. You will get bored of diamonds and jewellery in a couple of months, but new experiences are something that will remain embedded in your mind until you die.  The learning from each of your experiences will stand you in good stead, all your life.
14. Advice should not be given unless sought: Do not go advising people if they have not asked for it. If people come to you seeking specific advice, give it to them only IF you think you are really qualified and experienced enough to do so. If not, tell them honestly that you are not the right person to render advice on that subject. Also, do not give any advice, especially on entering into or getting out of relationships. Every adult has the brains to decide what is good or bad for them. They can do without have their own maturity levels and t’s essential for them to grow as a person. Remember, you cannot fix anyone. Each one has to fix themselves.
15. Find a way to give back to the society:  In whatever little way you can, give back to the society. You do not have to make hefty donations throughout the year, but you can certainly contribute to the betterment of the society. For instance, teach your maid to read and write. Sponsor the education of at least one girl child. Encourage people to save water and plant trees. Go green, and lead by example. Avoid use of plastic in your own house.
16. Making time to attend family functions is always worthwhile:  In India, ‘family’ means the whole world, literally. A wedding or the naming ceremony of a child are all occasions for families to get together. No matter how busy you are, make time to attend family functions. It is important to know all your uncles, aunts, cousins, nieces and nephews. Only if you stay connected with them will your own children get to know them. If possible, create a family tree and document it in such a way that anyone from the family can access it any time.  Be an active member of the family group on WhatsApp. You do not have to react to everything, but just let everyone know you are there with them and for them.
17. Writing a diary and maintaining albums can be therapeutic: Whenever you have free time, go through old photographs and albums. You will be surprised at how refreshing the whole exercise can turn out to be. Similarly, writing a diary and jotting down important dates, such as birthdays and anniversaries can give you an opportunity to reconnect with old friends and even family members. By remembering to call an old batch mate or even a favourite teacher from school amidst your busy schedule, you will be giving them a pleasant surprise and putting a smile on their faces. After all, wouldn’t you like it if your childhood friend or neighbour called and wished you on your marriage anniversary?
18. Great personalities are not developed overnight: It is important to walk, look and speak well. Correct your posture, your gait and your speech early on. People always remember the way you carry yourself. They will admire the way you dress, present yourself and speak. However, this can only happen if you consciously make it a habit to sit, stand, walk, talk and eat properly.  These things cannot be learnt overnight. You need to imbibe them early in life. These early efforts contribute to making your personality outstanding.

19. Travelling builds confidence and broadens horizons: Be it a seminar, a silent retreat, or a conference. If it requires you to travel to a new place, just grab the opportunity with both hands. Seeing new places and meeting new people can broaden your horizons. Not only does travelling boost your confidence, it gives you the ability to deal with uncertainties. It improves your communication skills and triggers creative thoughts. Most importantly, it creates great memories.
20. Cooking is a life skill: As a feminist, I had always hated cooking. It always appeared to be an activity cut out for women alone. I realized, albeit very late in life, that cooking is a skill required for survival. It has nothing to do with gender. Whether you are a man or a woman, basic cooking skills should be learnt early on in life. You never know when you may find yourself in a situation where you cannot order takeaway. You should also learn to make do with whatever is offered or available. Never be picky or fussy about food, and never waste food. Eat whatever is there on the plate. Be particular about serving small amounts of food, so that the need to throw or waste does not arise at all. Even while serving others, do not go overboard.

The list can go on. However, the important point is to get a head start. Remember, time once lost cannot return.